MARKS OF MATURITY IN MEN
Read time: 5-7 mins / Author: Paul Records
My daughter loves cheese. A few times throughout the day she will point to the fridge, begging with her eyes, and ask, “Cheese?” “Cheese?” Though this type of behavior is strange in the life of an adult, it’s not so strange for her because she’s 18 months old. It’s actually kind of cute! You expect this kind of thing from a baby. Once, when she did not get cheese and was told to sit down in her chair and eat her veggies she plopped down on the kitchen floor and cried. As her parents, we try to redirect her attention and in moments like these, ignore the tears. Though cheese makes for a nice snack, it doesn’t provide the necessary nutrition needed for healthy growth (and can produce some pretty nasty diapers).
Imagine with me for a moment if my daughter was, instead of 18 months old, 30 years old.
What thoughts would go through your mind if you witnessed an adult act this way? What would this type of behavior indicate about their maturity or emotional development? I think you would agree that this kind of thing is not very cute in the life of adults.
When grown men act this way not only is it not cute, but it is a sign that they are not fully mature.
In 1 Corinthians 13:11, the Apostle Paul wrote “When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.” Though the context of this verse points to the future unfolding of God’s plan, it also represents the development of our maturity that should accompany the aging process. As we grow into adulthood, we should “put away” the things that defined us as children. If we are no longer children then we should stop acting, behaving, and thinking as children do.
Children are not fully developed emotionally, relationally, or mentally. Children do not know how to make thoughtful, reasoned decisions. Children fall on the floor and throw temper tantrums when they don’t get what they want. Children, if they had their way, would eat cheese and snacks all day and ignore foods that lead to nutritional health. Children think only of the present and do not know how to effectively plan for the future. Children do not naturally lean towards structured or disciplined lives. Children do not know how to regulate emotions produced by adversity, pressure, or stress. Children do not always act well in social contexts with other children. We expect these kinds of things from children. If we as men, however, are to rise up and mature in our roles and responsibilities, then we must put away childish behaviors.
The Greek word often used in the New Testament to describe a person’s maturity is teleios, which indicates “a completion in mental and moral conduct; growth; wholeness.”
If a man is to fulfill his calling, he must submit himself to a growth and maturing process. He must be perfected. This does not allude to perfection in the sense of “being perfect” but illustrates a man who walks a path to spiritual wholeness and maturity.
As a pastor, I have used a four-part test to assess a leader’s maturity level that I call The Four Quadrants of Leadership Maturity. In this article, I would like to apply this test to our development as men. The quadrants are presented in the form of four questions:
The answers to these questions reveal a lot about a person and the state of their leadership maturity. Let’s discuss the four quadrants in more detail.
Question #1: Can I receive an order without it getting under my skin?
As men, we all likely have authority figures we must submit to. In many cases, having to yield to another person’s leadership is a good thing and will help us to mature.
Those who cannot receive an order or a piece of counsel or spiritual advice are likely men who have not had a positive relationship with an authority figure.
Men who jump from job to job, and don’t last very long working for someone else, are often men that are more comfortable “being their own boss.” In other words, they have a problem following another person’s leadership. They don’t know how to follow. They have not learned the benefit of obeying the word and direction of a person in authority. I often refer to this character trait as “an inflated sense of autonomy.” You see, it takes maturity to realize that you cannot expect to always do things your own way. It takes maturity to see the value in following and yielding to the leadership of another person.
If a man desires to pursue a calling or to develop a ministry, he must be willing to follow God’s orders. God will not always lead him to places of comfort. The call of God often demands that we walk paths defined by adjustments, hard transitions, and obedience. At times, God will call us to move forward when we want to hesitate. Other times, God calls us to pause and wait when we want to move forward. A mature leader is able to follow God no matter what the orders are.
QUESTION #2: Can I give an order without it going to my head?
It was Abraham Lincoln who said, “Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.” The Old Testament is full of kings who were corrupted by power. As men, not only must we learn to yield to leadership but we must learn to effectively wield leadership. When we give orders and call our families, business, or churches to action do we do so out of domination or duty? Do we demand respect from our followers or are we working to earn their respect? It takes leadership maturity to give an order and do so with the right motives.
QUESTION #3: Can I own and communicate a vision that is not my own?
When counseling couples, the test is often getting two people with two different visions to develop a shared vision for marriage. This means that the husband and wife must act in ways that benefit their shared vision. This is not always an easy thing to do. Naturally, we push for our “personal vision” or expectations to the neglect of the other person. In marriage, men must grow up. They must buy in to the value of their spouse and their children.
This means that they must act and behave, not out of self-centeredness, but out of selflessness. They must act and behave for the good of the people in their circle of influence.
Men that serve or work in team contexts must buy in to the shared vision of their team. This is something that mature men do. They realize that they play a vital part in achieving a greater vision and they do their part to push the vision to fulfillment. On the other hand, immature men resist ideas, strategies, and methods that are not their own and don’t fully support the larger vision of the team.
QUESTION #4: Will I grow up to the level that the vision demands?
Rather than drifting through life, faith, or leadership men must cultivate and follow a God-given vision. Men need targets to aim for. They need goals that stretch, push, and challenge them. Ultimately, a man needs to serve a vision much bigger than his own solitary life. Furthermore, he must be willing to change, adjust, and grow up to the level that his vision demands.
True faith-directed goals will always push a man upward in growth and out of his comfort zone.
A God-given vision will always cost us something and it will always demand that we master and discipline ourselves to achieve it. A God-given vision will always call us to lay aside childish behaviors, attitudes, and thought patterns. A man that refuses to grow and adjust and lives for long periods of time in the same destructive cycles reflects a lack of maturity.
To fulfill our calling as husbands, fathers, and leaders we must map out a faith-directed plan and then structure and discipline our lives to fulfill that plan. Said plainly, we must grow up. The days of “kicking the can” of responsibility down the road must end. We must look ourselves in the mirror and call ourselves to action. We must do the hard things that must be done in order for us to move closer to the vision God has given us. As the Apostle Paul wrote:
So that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love. Ephesians 4:14-16.
For Personal Reflection
If you were to honestly rate yourself on a scale of 1-10 in the four quadrants above, do you think you would have a low or high leadership maturity rating?
What practical examples can you point to in your life as evidence of your maturity in each of the four quadrants?
Are there any other questions we can ask to help assess our leadership maturity?
Paul Records serves as a writer, church planter, pastor of Victory Chapel in San Marcos, TX, and the founder of the Full Proof Man.
